Mister Cinecal

Mister Cinecal

Monday, 19 October 2015

The Best and Worst Movie Taglines of All Time, #90

Yes, the Best and Worst Movie Taglines of All Time lists rumble ever on, slowly and sporadically We're ten entries in now and newcomers (I'm sure people have been born and reached reading age since I last updated this) can find some background and the criteria for the list here: http://www.mistercinecal.com/2015/06/the-best-and-worst-movie-taglines-of.html. Now there is definitely a good reason I stopped doing this list for several months, a reason that has nothing to do with me being a lazy, bad blogger at all, thank you very much. When I started this list I devised three criteria for what makes a good tagline and three for what makes a bad one, which you can find in the above link. But of course, taglines can't just be confined to a measly three categories, that's ridiculously constricting, surely we can all agree on that?

...They can be confined to four categories of course! So you see, I've spent the last few months very scientifically devising an additional category each for good and bad movie taglines. And now that extensive process is complete, the list can continue 100% unabated. The new categories are:

The Great Line Preview: It may seem like hindsight, but there are a lot of cases where the most memorable lines in movie history got a leg-up into the public consciousness by being placed right there on the poster or in the trailer for everybody to see. Putting the best line on the poster might seem like giving it away but really, if you've got a line in your movie that's very clever or quotable, it's just as cromulent a thing to put on the poster as an attractive cast member.

and for the bad:

Trite n' Shite: These taglines are all about enlightening you to the transcendent, life changing experience that is going to see a Nicholas Sparks adaptation or the like. In trying to say something really profound but only being able to come up with something vague and dull, they usually expose that the film itself is vague and dull.

With these exciting new pieces of information on hand, it's time to wrap up the first ten entries in the list that will absolutely finish, the Best and Worst Movie Taglines of All Time!

Best #90
Which: "They're here"
Where: Poltergeist
What: The Great Line Preview
When: 1982
Why: The whole point of the poster is a hook to get people to buy a ticket and "they're here" is simple but effective. They're here-Who's here?-You wanna find out, buy a ticket-Well maybe I will Mr. Hypothetical Man-boom, done. Poltergeist manages to get another tagline in there as well with "It knows what scares you", which is a little more generic but still makes for a decent fit.

Worst #90
Which: "Life is for living"
Where: Charlie St. Cloud
What: Trite n' Shite
When: 2010
Why: Yes and tautologies are for tautologing. Charlie St. Cloud is one of those mopey movies that exists because your mother needs stuff to watch on Netflix too and if while "life is for living" does a good job in outlining the film's "I feel a responsibility to my ghost brother but I also want to sail around the world with this hot chick man what do I do with my life what is life even for??" vibe, that's just, well, it's a bad vibe and a "life is for living" is as bad a tagline as it probably is a tattoo for "free spirits" around the globe.

The Best Movie Taglines of All Time

100. "Unwittingly, he trained a dolphin to kill the President of the United States", The Day of the Dolphin
99. "They're young, they're in love...and they kill people", Bonnie and Clyde
98. "Raise a kung fu fist to Ogami-AND HE'LL CHOP IT OFF!", Shogun Assassin 2: Lightning Swords of Death
97. "In the year of darkness 2029, the rulers of this planet devised the ultimate plan. They would reshape the Future by changing the past. The plan required something that felt no pity. No pain. No fear. Something unstoppable. They created THE TERMINATOR.", The Terminator
96. "Oh yes. There will be blood.", Saw II
95. "They're tobacco chewin', gut chewin', cannibal kinfolk from Hell!", Redneck Zombies
94. "The first casualty of war is innocence", Platoon
93. "3% body fat. 1% brain activity.", Zoolander
92. "A monster science created but could not destroy!", Frankenstein (1931)
91. "People of Earth, your planet is about to be destroyed...We're terribly sorry for the inconvenience.", TerrorVision
90. "They're here", Poltergeist (1982)

The Worst Movie Taglines of All Time

100. "Not to be confused with King Kong", A*P*E
99. "Great things come in bears", Yogi Bear
98. "All the power on earth can't change destiny", The Godfather Part III
97. "Does my gluteus maximus look big in this?", Gladiatress
96. "Some houses are born bad.", The Haunting (1999)
95. "He puts the teeth in terror", Leatherface: The Texas Chainsaw Massacre III
94. "The system gave him a raw deal. Nobody gives him a raw deal", Raw Deal
93. "Who's your nanny?", Nanny McPhee and the Big Bang
92. "Why are they putting seatbelts in theatres this summer?", Star Trek V: The Final Frontier
91. "On May 6th...see Paris die!", House of Wax (2005)
90. "Life is for living", Charlie St. Cloud (2010)

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