Mister Cinecal

Mister Cinecal

Sunday, 20 April 2014

Yes, This Exists: Kottentail (2007)

Easter movies have never really caught on. Maybe it's the lack of coherent themes, maybe it's the fact that deep down, Easter ain't no Christmas, but despite knowing that kids will be off school at this time of year and desperate to spend their parents money, nobody's really come up with any Easter movies to pack people into theatres.Your options there are more or less limited to the Passion of the Christ, Mel Gibson unsuccessfully working through his issues, or Hop, a movie where Rabbit Russell Brand shits a jellybean and the Big Bang Theory girl eats it. If you're looking for a vaguely thematic movie to watch this Easter Sunday, well...this exists:

There are so many good omens on this DVD cover it's hard to know where to start. Ever since Jaws, directors have known that hiding your scary beast will leave audiences all the more scared, but the makers of Kottentail bravely break all the rules, giving you their terrifying...rabbit man...right there before the movie even starts. Looking at the bottom, we see that this is produced by 'Brain Damage Films', which is snarky critic bait if ever I saw it. It's unclear if the cartoon man rocking the 'shades, goatee and frosted tips' look is supposed to be a representative of Brain Damage Films or indicative of their audience, but either way I'm sure he'd fist bump in approval at the news at the top of the box, that Kottentail (just like ear-phobic nu metal band Korn, the K shows just how kool this man rabbit is) stars Playboy's Bridget Marquardt. Often these low-budget-and-aware-of-it cornball horror movies are made out if love of the genre. A killer man/bunny is certainly a strong contender in the arms race to get the most ironically lame monster possible in these kinds of movies. However, that particular stunt casting, such as it is (how did Bridget Thingy get time out of her busy schedule?) combined with a glance at this NSFW trailer raises the likelihood that the people behind this film didn't have internet for a couple of days and instead decided to make a crappy movie for their own masturbatory material.

Clearly this is no Night of the Lepus.

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